Frosted Fleece: How Jesus confirmed by calling

How the Lord affirmed my calling…

Ever since the summer of 2008 when I was privileged to volunteer full-time at my church office in England it assured me that this was something I want to give my life to. It was only until early this year (2010) I divulged my desire to be in full-time ministry. With the full encouragement of my wise and seasoned friend, she did voice her concern that if I desired to, I needed to tackle my outstanding debt I had from the student loan I had borrowed for my university education. It was there and then she gave me council to really start praying and tackling my debt head on, to start cutting back on my spending, to really steward my earnings to start paying back. She raised her concern that it would be a huge burden to have a debt and would prevent me from going in to full-time with such a debt.

It was there and then that she told me to lay out by debt to be like a fleece before God. If it is God’s will for me to be in full time ministry, my prayer was that he would affirm it by helping me to reduce my debt significantly by the end of this year. I prayed this early in February, 2010. If the Lord would do this, it would be a confirmation that this desire of mine is His desire and not just my own.

Through that month I realised His providence in my life. He had placed me in a position where nearly all of my living expenses for taken care of by the company I worked for. I thanked God that it was a time where I had little to worry about, where I had little financial conflict, and it was a time where I could really be built up, to be equipped, to learn and grow. In my heart I had planed that I would be in the town I’m living in for perhaps another 2 years, and much of me wanted to be ready to be mobilized by the end of that time. The Lord had put me in a season of rest again.

Throughout that period I remember listening to a series of sermons from the book of Luke that called me out and cut me pretty deep in certain areas. The Spirit gave me a burden to intentionally start praying seriously about my calling.

“Fulfill your calling, not your potential!”

I was convicted that I should stop trying to do everything but be intentional and have an intentional response, not a reaction. The Lord spoke to me in so many ways through His Word. He told me to stop reacting with a “Here I am”, but a “Speak Lord for your servant is listening”. I struggled to lay my desires down and hand them back over to him, but I desperately wanted to know whether my desire to be involved with church planting and full-time ministry was something I was influenced by, or something that he has genuinely burdened me with. I was desperate for His revelation and direction.

Leading up about two months later, again through scripture and through hearing the Word of God, I was convicted to fast and pray about making major decisions in my life. I felt that where I stood in my walk required me to make a decision, or rather, intentionally respond to the Lord’s calling on my life. That Saturday morning, as I begun my day with my journalling and time with the Lord, my day’s reading included Matthew’s witness to how Jesus went in to a time of fasting, praying and testing in the wilderness before going out in to full-time ministry. I remember feeling led to spend the rest of that day fasting and praying, concluding that I should break it around lunch time on Sunday.

Sunday morning, I woke up and begun my journaling and devotions reading the Beatitudes and the Sermon on the Mount. God’s timing is awesome! As my church continues through the book of Matthew, our Pastor expounded on the parable and teaching on Salt and Light. I remember the message brought me life to my tired body and spirit. I left the service invigorated and refreshed, filled with joy at what the Lord had spoken to me. The message of being called to be Salt and Light to the world seemed like an answer to prayer, a vague affirmation. It was a reminder that the Lord has called me to bring light to the dark places, to proclaim truth, to be a preserving element to a decaying world.

Monday morning I woke up and went mountain biking in the morning before work. I love how God speaks to me when I’m enjoying his creation. As I was riding through narrow and bumpy paths, he reminded me to not be short sighted, to look ahead as I was riding, because if I was too short sighted, I would not see the tight turns ahead. Looking to closely I would focus my eye too much on the obstacles – the rocks and roots – and would increase my likely hood to fall. If I looked ahead however, I would see a clear path and needn’t be so anxious about the minor obstacles because I have already seen a clear path ahead and I would be able to get through it.

I rode pretty badly that morning, and took a fall or two… He showed me how my failure to trust my bike and it’s ability to stop actually increased my rate of failure and would actually cause me to stop and stumble, or rather, crash… He even showed me that by going to slow, it would make me focus too much on minor obstacles, and therefore actually would then become a complete hinderance. Going fast allowed you to keep looking ahead and to make better progress, but going too hard also meant that it you bailed, the fall would be harder and more painful. It could even put you our for a couple of days, weeks or months.

After my bike ride, I caught my bus to work. Unexpectedly my cousin called as I pulled up in to town and let me know my Aunt was waiting to see me. I freaked out, thinking I was late for an appointment that I did not remember making.

We sat greeted and sat down in the lobby at word and quickly she raised the topic of by debt and that she had put some money away for me in my name in one of her unit trusts and suggested that I should cash it in to pay off my loan. I thanked her for her suggestion, but informed her that my loan was far too huge for that money to even dent it. When she quickly offered to pay off the loan for me, it blew my mind, after all the Lord has prompted me to pray about, I was overwhelmed that he answered my prayer in such a huge and immediate way.

The Lord knew I could not have saved up and pay off my loan in my own strength and will. The Lord ordained everything and prepared my heart to align myself to His will through the prompting of the Spirit to really pray in to this. He affirmed my desire and made a way for me to do it. It was as if he just gave me the thumbs up to say, “Yes! this is exactly what I want you do to and this is exactly what I have put in your heart and I’m going to do it for you and through you. You have my support, I will not let you go out unequiped and not-ready. Your life is ordained by me and I will bring it to pass”.

God is great, it’s all about him and it’s all about Jesus!