So… I’ve recently had a meeting with my pastor… where he, in a nutshell, alluded to and asked me to prayerfully consider immigrating to Canada, to be a missionary and help lead a small team of young female adults and future church planters.

My heart is humbled at the offer, and the Lord knows where my heart and desire is for Him, and He knows where and how I want to serve Him.

My current living situation

I am currently in a living situation where my company is providing for all my living expenses, transport expenses, utilities, minus food. I am living in a brand new state of the art hi-tech mini-mansion, commuting daily in one of the company’s two shiny new hybrids. I am in a comfortable job, earning a comfortable wage that can afford me small luxuries. I’m pretty sure I have a promotion waiting for me in a couple of months. I have health care, extended health-care through my company. I get a ski pass with my job. The world would consider me financially independent right now.

If I was to go ahead with this…

If I am to go ahead, and practically live out this role and door that has opened for me, I am to give up all the above. I will probably need to give up the luxury of having a room to myself with a balcony, to a smaller shared room in a dormitory environment, (something I foolishly vowed never to do again since my house flooded). I will have to pay rent, utilities, and transport. I may have to pay for medical. I may have to give up my comfortable job, my wage, my ski pass. The strife and arguments and tension will be nothing to what I have faced living with my four other colleagues.

It will be a new journey and no way as glamourous

It makes no sense to do it

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to make myself out as a martyr at, what is at the moment, a hypothetical “yes”, but more to point out, that it makes no sense for me to agree to this. My friends will know this: I will have to give up a career, a decent all expenses paid job with a potential promotion around the corner, for most likely a entry level retail or F&B job, with higher expenses and downgrade on my living conditions and revert back to financial dependency, from a life of living to a life of survival. I’m sure many of you know how much I’d like to have a family of my own, this choice of lifestyle is not economically child friendly. I know a lot of people who would agree with me on this, it makes no sense to go ahead with this offer of full-time ministry.

My Treasure and a Decision

My Love, my Savior, my Jesus knows me better. He has already spoken to my heart and told me of this time, he knows my prayer that I might live by faith and learn to daily rely on him. He knows that ultimately there is nothing on this earth that will bring me greater joy in spite of all the suffering and tribulation He knows I will face than my joy in Him. He knows that He is the greatest gift, the greatest joy, my one eternal love that will conquer to the death to bring me eternal love, eternal life and eternal joy. My treasure isn’t here on earth, and he has put eternity on my heart. He has called me to sacrifice and suffer for Him that other people may witness and come to know and love him too.

Right now, I am standing on the edge of a void. I have no idea what will happen if I leave the safe ledge I am standing on. If I jump there is no way of turning back, I cannot dip my toes and test the waters on this one. If I go, I have no idea where I will land, or if I will land, I have no idea what’s on the other side, I don’t know how far away it is.

If there is no God, than all this will be for nothing, and I would have lost everything, and I would be better off to live life, eat, drink and be merry. But since there is, there is everything to be lost, to be a nothing in society, everything to be sacrificed, a lifetime to suffer, but spurred on my my joy and delight in Him, my spirit is willing that others may come to know Him, to know true joy and be saved;  to live as Christ, to die is gain.

My Lord and God has provided for me thus far. This is His calling, his commission on my life; He will provide for this, He will finance this, and He will make a way for this as He already has done so before. He has already paid off my debt, in the giving of His one begotten Son, and he has paid for my student debt in a very practical way…. how much more is he willing to provide for this ministry which He has commissioned.

Though words have not expressed my desire as to verbally commit or covenant with anything, my heart knows exactly where the Spirit is leading me; I just don’t know how I’m going to get there.

Needless to say, I need to prayerfully consider this and wait upon the Lord for His affirmation and answer.