Struggles of Being a Single Female Christian Missionary

Okay… so a correction…I’m not sure whether I can be classed as a missionary per say, but otherwise I fullfill all of the above; I am single, a female and a Christian.

Desires

I have a huge desire to want to help plant churches, an intense desire to want to go someday. There are ministries that I would someday love to be involved with. I have a heart for the abused, raped and victimized and one day love to invest some time to be trained to counsel, teach and disciple young women.  One day I would love to be a part of a core team that would plant a church and I want to be able to dedicate the rest of my life serving Jesus through that church. I would one day love to work with man who has the same desire to plant a church and  see lives transformed and people saved by Christ; and I would love to be married to that man.

The Problem and My Struggle

Unfortunately, there’s only so much a single female can do, and some of this stuff I cannot do alone and I am not meant to do alone. This isn’t because I lack “self esteem” or believe the women are the lesser of the sexes. This isn’t because I am a needy dependent (although I do occasionally behave like one) or that I’m fearful of taking risks and doing things on my own.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I believe that females are incapable of planting and pastoring churches, but the problem is that I don’t think it’s biblically right nor good for a girls to be leading plants and it’s not right nor good for women to pastor churches. I am completely convicted that the place of headship and spiritual authority belongs to a man. And when we women rob men of that position we emasculate and pervert the order and roles of gender that God has ordered and divided.

My problem therefore is that I have this huge desire, this huge pull on my life, and yet I feel as if it all hinders on being married. It is on this feeling that I am tempted to believe that in order for me to fulfill my calling I must get married as soon as possible. Instead what is really happening is that I am elevating marriage above the importance of God and my calling, and place marriage in the position of functional savior where marriage is my saviour and the way to my calling and joy, as opposed to Jesus being the only way to God and true everlasting joy.

What I end up doing is  with the absence of a man to lead and be a head for me, I am temped to attempt and accomplish things by myself by adopting what should be his role. There are times when I try or an tempted to be the man in my life.

And on top of this, frankly, I can feel super lonely doing what I’m doing and praying for what I’m praying for, on my own.

Regaining Focus

In the same way that Jesus only spent about 3 years in full-time ministry before he was put to death. In those three years he did not set sail to all of Asia and the Americas to spread preach the coming of the Kingdom. In those 3 years he did not heal everyone he met. He did not negotiate with the Father to be serving for an extra year or 40 years to save more people. He did not save everyone he came across. He did not have time for everyone. Jesus did not plant churches like the Apostle Paul. Jesus came on a mission to preach the coming of the Kingdom, to train and disciple the Twelve and to suffer and die for our sins on a Roman Cross. Jesus was completely intentional about His calling and he perfectly and wholly realized and completed his mission.

I know I have the potential to do anything and accomplish anything – well, most things – but it is not about how much you do, but accomplishing the task that I was called and designed to do. Observing Jesus, I realize the importance for intentionality and to fulfill my calling and not my potential.

My struggle therefore is to remain where I need to remain in the fulness of the role that the Lord has ordained for me to be in that enables a man to fulfill wholly the fulness of his role. That by being obedient to God’s call on me to be a woman, will enable space for a man to fulfill his role and calling, that we may compliment (not complete) each other, working in a unity that glorifies God and reflects the unity and fullness of the Godhead; Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

God’s Intention?

Truth is that I need to wait for God’s timing on this. There is a reason why I am kept single now, and in the mean time there is a lot of joy to be lived out being single believe it or not.

And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.

(1 Corinthians 7:34 ESV)

I am comforted that God has His own intentionality on my singleness and femaleness. If my heart is not now wholly rooted in Jesus, my only true Savior, my marriage will be a disaster and my ministry will be a farce. All my stability, all my being, must be rooted in Christ and Christ alone, because he is the only Rock I can stand on. Marriage is not my rock…

How I can live this out practically and prayerfully

So how do I move from here, I how do I fight the good fight, run the race and keep the faith from here? How do I keep my heart undivided for the Lord to pursue His will and His holiness? How do I desire without yearning?

A couple of points from the top of my head:-

Ground my Identity in Jesus

My identity is in Jesus, not from my calling, not from my ministry, my church, my marriage or potential spouse.

Prayerfully seek my fulfillment and satisfaction in Jesus

Realize that my joy does not come from other things but solely from God alone. My heart is an idol factory and quick to try and make other things my god. Reality is that I can only be satisfied and find true joy and fulness in Christ.

Keep my eyes and heart on eternity and not for this short stint on earth

Even marriage is only until death… but my covenant with Jesus is eternal. I should store my treasure there too then, and find my heart there also.