The No. 1 Question That Will Break Me Down

“How are you doing?”

There are two types of how-are-you-doings which I will call, for the sake of this argument, Type A and Type B, both of which elicit it’s own response.

Type A

The Type A how-are-you-doing, is the general small talk starter. It belongs in to the same family as the how-was-your-week and how’s-life. Answers given are in turn are equally small no matter what circumstances you are under. If you’re having a bad week your response is “good”, if you’re craning under intense pressure and anxiety your response is “busy”, if you jobless, depressed and are lost for what to do your answer sounds like “relaxing” or “quiet”. Typically, I think its fair to conclude the depth of the Type A how-are-you-doings always come hand in hand with what I’ll call a Type A response.

Type A responses usually have no depth and a vague correlation to the truth, but most of the time, if you know the person, you know the translation for all the code names, ie: good; busy; quiet etc. They’re responses that a generally appropriate for large gatherings where if you were to answer the question to the fullest of truth, it will bring you to what I will focus on later, the Type B response.

Type B

90% of the time I can tell when someone is asking me the Type B how-are-you-doing. Usually you can tell by the context they’re asking you, ie. they’re sitting you down for a one to one coffee  and a “chat”. In this scenario, giving a shady vague Type A kind of answer results in a skeptical kind of stink eye from the opposite party. It’s the Type B question that always breaks me down, 60% of the time it will push me to tears regardless of how well life is going.

Why this question has an affect on me?

Two reasons:

It stops me in my busyness

It’s true what they say, if the enemy can’t make you sin or stumble, he will just keep you busy. Most of the time I go from extreme sluggardness to extreme busyness. There are those who keep busy to avoid thinking about things that would otherwise stare directly at their face. I don’t tend to swing that way. I tend to be over busy because I have a weakness to get really self-righteous, or other times have trust issues, leading me to do more than I should be doing, or micro manage. A couple times this year I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, and have just been swamped. Other times, something really unplanned would happen like being handed a two weeks notice at work, having to cover for busy periods, overtime, training, hiring. Alternatively, people not showing up for work, or for church… little things that put pressure of the rest of the team.

It’s when someone then asks me how I am doing, I’m forced to stop thinking about things, tasks, jobs, errands and instead makes me despair over everything that needs to be done. I can hold everything together when I’m occupied and busy, but as soon as someone times me out, and asks me to reflect, I despair and usually tear up.

It asks me to look introspectively

This question asks me to answer truthfully about what I see inwardly, and sets of unhealthy thought patterns that means I compare everything from the relation of myself as the center-point. I find it hard to switch back and have my heart and mind centered back on God.

Whenever I center things on myself I despair for many reason, including but not limited to:-

1. I place myself as a god and then realize what I lousy job I make of it
2. I place myself as a god and put pressure on myself to depend on my own strength
3. I believe for a moment that I am righteous for my works and then realize all my faults and folly
4. I get proud about what I do and get bitter for at everyone else around me
5. I get looped in to having rehearsing arguments and scenarios in my head

However, there are better ways to answer this question without having to cross those tricky thought patterns. I don’t think its a bad thing to look at yourself introspectively, just so long as you do so through the right lenses, and I have yet to learn it.

Only by the Holy Spirit can I look at myself through God’s eyes and allow Him to use it to convict me of sin or to bring encouragement to me. I have to, and can only look at myself introspectively in relation to God, with Jesus at the center-point, and not at myself. The moment I lose focus of racing towards Jesus as my great and final reward and prize, I lose sight of everything and I despair at my present and future. The moment I lose Christ as the crux of my reality, I despair. I have failed to follow my own advice so many times.

Why I dislike certain monastic practices and Christian Mysticism (rant)

I remember sitting in a conference in Singapore in a session lead by a well known pastor and preacher in North America. The one thing that angered me to the core as he elevated the practice of certain monastic meditations was when he said, quote, “Get to know yourself more, that you might know God more”. What utter trashy, prideful nonsense!!

Your identity comes from Christ, and the work of the Holy Spirit is to sanctify you to be more Christ-like, meaning righteous, pure and holy with all the good stuff. Another reason why I dislike man-centered “Christian” books, which are essentially self-help, motivational, feel good books, that may have biblical principals but nothing to do with the work and the personhood of Jesus.

You get to know God more first. Out of understanding the personhood and works of God, you compare yourself to Him, you identify yourself with Him and through grace driven effort seek with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength and mind you love Him and pursue His Righteousness, His Kingdom, His Glory. Out of your identity flows activity.