I love my church so much. I love every imperfect person in it, or at least learning to. :)

There are times in my life where I have really appreciated and have needed kind words of hope and encouragement from my friends and family. Satan, is known to be The Accuser and Father of Lies, and so when being bombarded by those lies, it’s good to hear that truth.

Much better still, in these times that we live in, where self esteem is seen as good as opposed to pride, and to discipline a child is seen as cruelty as opposed to love, in the new age wishy washy truth of relativism and post modern thought, our ears have become accustomed to being tickled by motivational mantras and the cold hard truth that shakes our inner being and causes us to rise up from our seat is a rarity.

1 Corinthians 12:26

26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. (ESV)

I was deeply convicted. I have been a servant of the enemy and allowed myself to be overpowered by my own narcissistic thought life. It’s that delightful poison of pride that I turn is irresistible yet toxic. I was dwelling in the flesh and not in the spirit.

I only cared about my feelings, my friendships, my status. When I was hurting, I wanted everyone else to hurt.

I basically dumped on my friend. I dumped my hurts and a psychopathic despair on her, and then left her to deal with it absent of me. I wasn’t even concerned that she was worried about me. Secretly, I enjoyed the attention.

My friend pointed this out to me, and the Holy Spirit struck me, and I could not control the gasping breaths and tears that seemed to choke my soul. I was so broken that I had caused so much hurt to my friends.

I recognize now that there are elements in depression that I’m prone to that is so sweetly selfish, and instead of dying to it, as I should, I struggle to resist it. I was so grieved that the sin in my thought life had manifested so horridly. I felt like I had wronged my whole church family.

I think that moment was a turning point for me in recovering from a burn out, and this all happened about two months ago.